The long march towards Xin Fa

Two long long years "in waiting", this is the time it took me to finally hold Xin Fa, my adoptive daughter from China, in my arms. This was longer than an elephant pregnancy!

Did I despair during these moments, yes I did... I did not see the end of the tunnel as the "pick up date" was post-pone over and over and over. I thought I`d never see her little face nor hold her in my arms.

I had imagined our first encounter as "a magical moment" and it was... but... not in the way I had envisaged. My fault - I was so nervous and under great emotional turbulence.

As we were approaching the "adoption room" at the Social Welfare Institute in Nanchang, Southern China, we heard the 11 little girls crying. When we entered the "adoption room", we discovered these little angels who were held by their nannies (two children per Nanny).

I immediately spotted Xin Fa (I had obtained her photograph 6 weeks earlier). She looked more blemish and skinny than on the picture the orphanage had sent me. Her skin was in a terrible state and she seemed tired. She was dirty and under a great stress.

These little girls knew something was "in the making". They had been moved from their orphanage most likely for the first time in their little short lives (average age was 10 months old) and bused to the capital city where, us, the adoptive parents would meet them. Imagine the shock and the distress they felt... It was tangible and I could have cut it off with a knife.

I approached the Nanny who held Xin Fa (I was too nervous to take her into my arms and I waited for the guide to "officially hand me MY baby") and kept wondering if she was in good health or not. She looked at me with great surprise. A long nose was trying to engage with her... A woman who spoke to her in a language she could not understand...

Once she was "officially" mine, she was handed to me by the Nanny and Xin Fa, as a welcoming gift, Xin Fa started crying. I could not stop her. I was desperate. Me, the mother who hoped to soothe her and take care of her could not stop my daughter from crying! That was a terrible start believe me, my heart sank.

I whispered to her that I was her mummy and that I would take care of her from now on. To no avail, my words had an effect contrary to what I had hoped; she started crying even more and sobbed and sobbed.

Actually, Xin Fa needed some water. Luckily for me, as I had not prepared my first encounter properly (I must admit I was a bit "out of myself that day") with a bottle and cookies, the Nanny gave me her water bottle. Xin Fa immediately stop crying.

These first moments are never how you expect them to be. It was not as romantic and easy going as I had dreamed but these first minutes are not the most important, what really matters is the bond which is developing between us, and this has been and is real bliss...